Summer is here (why are my posts so seasonal?) (general stream-of-consciousness)
I'm in DC for Pride weekend just for a change of pace. The first of many trips planned for this year. Time is really flying by and I'm glad it's no longer winter. My posts on this blog are so weirdly tied to the seasons. It's not intentional, I really only post something when I feel in the mood to write and for some reason the first thing that always comes to mind when I feel like writing is mentioning the current season and my current mood.
It would be kind of funny if that indicated some kind of seasonal depression. I do feel I get that in the colder months a bit but I've also noticed a dip at the beginning of this summer. I'm not quite sure why but this past week has been a little moody and I couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from. I muscled through and kept seeing people, doing things, working, staying entertained...but it was still there just a smidge. Sometimes more in other moments.
Going on this little trip has helped though. It gave me something specific to look forward to. Maybe things have felt a little permanent and monotonous lately. Going home for a weekend or elsewhere in the area feels pretty typical. Somewhere new to spice it up is really nice. In that vein, I have had the thought (in the words of The Strokes) "Is this it?"
Life could just continue to be working and traveling for fun. Seeing friends and making new ones. Buying fun things to tinker with and enjoy. Something about that is still appealing but another part is kind of depressing. Maybe it's a little existential or maybe I'm feeling like I'm not enough in this current state somehow. I might just be looking too deeply. There's still even more to explore beyond those things. More to learn, more to take on, more challenges to face.
I've decided, in anticipation of an upcoming trip, I'm going to try and learn a new language. Partly because this language could be a gateway to others and make them easier to learn. I had a few moments this week that made me feel really ambitious wrt learning it too. The program I found that offers classes in it is a tight-knit community center that provides the classes and a reasonable price. My coworkers from adjacent countries have told me the language is similar enough to their own that they can pick up words and have a reasonable understanding which might give me a nice opportunity to practice and actually speak.
I did also feel challenged when a different coworker told me that I'm not really my family heritage because I'm Americanized. He's right, I'm not Ukrainian-acculturated. But I can prove him wrong by eventually learning the language. In some ways, I also feel like I'm aspiring to be where my grandfather was. For all his faults, he was very capable linguistically and could speak five different languages. A lot of my friends speak at least two. Yet, here I am the "dumb American" only speaking English and being able to grab a word or two in Spanish. I'm sick of it, but in a fired-up kind of way where I want to learn and change! The trouble will be keeping up with that and solidifying it as a goal.